The Death Stories
by Cadao
Summary: What to say? Its the product of being bored, and has a bit of everything. BtVS, Sailor Moon, CSIs, Doctor Who, Mighty Ducks the Animated TV show...its junk, really.


I did not make, do not own and am not making money off of any charactors in this story. 

THE DEATH STORIES

Three's Company

Janet kicked Jack in the butt. He wailed in pain. Chrissy kicked him in the knee and Jack wailed in pain again. Chrissy and Janet laughed hystaricly as Jack fell to the floor, dead. The End. (Jack : Not amusing. / Janet: I am amused. / Chrissy : That was mean.)

Janet tripped, falling through the floor and landing in a field of military officers. The officiers shot her dead. The End. (Janet: Up. Yours. / Jack: I like/ Chrissy: That was mean!)

Chrissy went sleep walking. She went into the street. She got hit by a car. She died. The End. (Chrissy: WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR/ Jack and Janet: ...)

Helen stabbed Stanley. Stanley went down, dieing a painfull death. The End. (Helen: You can't kill whats already dead. / Stanley: Whats thats supose to mean/ Helen: Nothing Stanley.)

Helen went to bed. She died peacefully in her sleep. The End. (Helen: That was more like it, huh, Stanley/ Stanley: Thats not fair.)

They where all sitting at the beach when the sand sunk and they all drowned. The End. (Chrissy: I'M GONNA GET YOU/ Everyone esle: Uh...)

Mighty Ducks

Wildwing crashed the Aerowing into the mountain. He died. The End. (Wildwing: So thats what she meant by Death Stories. Why is she killing us off/ Duke: Cause she damn well wants ta.)

Duke acidently beheaded himself somehow or other... The End. (Duke: Impossible. / Tanya: I am not cleaning t-that up!)

Tanya blows herself up. (Tanya: W-why? I-I never did anything t-to you/ Duke: We won't leave her alone. / Nosedive: You mean YOU won't leave her alone. / Duke: Point taken.)

Nosedive drives off a cliff. The End. (Nosedive: Broom/ Wildwing: Baby Bro, I don't think thats the correct responce. / Nosedive: Why? I didn't really. Hey...Buffy the Vampire Slayer... / Wildwing: Who?. / The Doctor: How may I help you/ Wildwing: Wha-)

Grin died peacefully while meditating. He has a lot of good karma, you see. (Grin: Thank you featherless friend. / Tanya: I-I don't like her!)

Mallory...hey...she's the one who shot Janet! HAHAHA. It all ties together somehow...cough anyway, Mallory died via Nosedive's cooking. The end.(Mallory: I beleive it. / Nosedive: I'm not that bad, am I Buff/ Buffy: Better then me, but still deadly. / Nosedive: I'll take it. / Mallory: Who are you/ Buffy: Nosedive's girlfriend. / Mallory: He has an actual real-life girlfriend/ Nosedive: If you keep talking...)

They sat in the pond - including Buffy (Buffy: Yeah/ Duke: Well, hi sweetheart. / Buffy : I ain't your sweetheart.) , but there was too many fans so the roof colasped on their heads. ( Duke: I thought we died already. / Nosedive: I told you all, man, it doesn't really happen!)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy already died twice, so she gets to live. (Buffy: I like that/ Dawn: What? No way. / Anya: I can't die. I'm your favourite. You can't kill me. Thats wrong. / Xander: Sorry, An, but she can... / Willow and Tara: We don't care/ Oz: Hm. / Giles: Yes, well, she's the writer, she can do as she pleases. / Spike: Are you going to have all of us say something/ Angel: Whats wrong with that/ Riley: This is going to take forever. / Cordy: As long as I'm in here. / Joyce: Why am I being quoted/ Jenny: I'm dead already/Kennedy: Can I kill Tara/ Willow: Noooo/ Nosedive: The End!)

Dawn fell down the stairs, and died by blunt force head trauma. The End. (Dawn: If I was real, bitch... / Buffy: Don't swear. / Dawn: Excuse me!)

Anya slipped on a rug, and fell onto a knife. She croaked. The End. (Anya: Thats not fair. I'm your favorite. I should live. Shouldn't I live/ Xander: Its okay, Anya, I still love you.)

Xander woke up, fell out of bed and into lava. He died. The End. (Xander: Is that possible/ Anya: We live on a Hellmouth. / Xander: Right./ Anya: I can't beleive she's killing us off. Thats wrong. We should rebel. / Xander: No, Anya.)

Willow was doing a spell. It backfired, turning her into dust. The End (Willow: Oh, well...Oh. you killed ME. Uh...bad writer/ Tara: I love you even though your a bunch of dust. / Willow: Thanks, I love you too.)

Tara was riding a horse. She fell off and got trampled. The End. (Tara : There, I joined you. / Willow: Nice of her.)

Oz plugged in his guitar and got electrified. The End (Oz: I lived well. / Nosedive: That you did, wolfie. Oz: Who are you/ Nosedive: Imaganation. / Oz: Uh... / Buffy: Hi Dive!)

Giles opened a book and it ate him. The End. (Giles: Now hold on a minute - / Buffy: How dare she turn your books against you. / Giles: Your poking fun at me, arn't you/ Nosedive: That we are. / Giles: Oh no, Nosedive.)

Spike staked himself. The End. (Spike: Bloody hell, she's after me/ Xander: Hey, you tried to stake yourself in one episode, remeber/ Spike: Well, yeah, but...)

Angel forgot it was sunny out, and he got flameded. The End. (Angel: Bye world. / Cordy: You killed my vampire/ Buffy: YOUR VAMPIRE/ Nosedive: Hey/ Buffy: He doesn't replace my duck. / Nosedive: Better.)

Riley...hehe...I don't like you... (Riley: Uh...Buffy? What does she mean by that/ Buffy: I'm not sure. ) hmmm...I KNOW! BWAHAHAHA! Riley went fast forward in time and his atoms went haywire and he got spread over the universe and time and then he got zapped back to normal and got hit by a truck and then a train, and then a plane and then he hung himself and then Buffy staked him and then - (Riley: Thats enough/ Buffy: HEY! ) then he got melted... (Riley: Not empressed. / Buffy: If I was real, bitch. / Dawn: Don't swear. / Buffy: You little...) okay, okay...Riley melted. I do like him, a little...otherwise he wouldn't be in here... (Riley: Am I one of those charactors you like to pick on?) yup. (Riley: Oh.)

Cordy had enough death with her too, so...she's off the hook! (Cordy: YAY/ Anya: What? No. I should be too. Right/ Xander: Anya... / Anya: What/ Cordy: I'm special!)

Joyce is dead already. (Joyce: Thank you. / Anya: CADAO!)

Jenny's already dead too! (Jenny: Oh good. Anya: Look you writer-thing!...)

Kennedy sundenly turned inside out and died that way. The End. (Kennedy: WHAT/Nosedive: Down girlie/Buffy:She looks meaner then me/Kennedy: #$#$#$/Willow: She killed both my girls. frown.)

They all where sitting around and then they all got struck by lightning! The End. (Buffy: Guess we can't excape death in the death stories... / Anya: I should live! I'm - / Everyone: Anya, shut up/ Anya: Well...fine...I'll just...go over here.)

Crime Scene Investigation

(Buffy: Oooo. More people/ Nosedive: Heh heh. She looks deadable...)

Sara picked up a bomb by accident. She died. (Sara: Huh? What/ Buffy: Welcome to our universe. / Nosedive: How ya doin'/ Sara: Giant...duck...uh, Grissom/ Grissom: The End!))

Grissom got eaten by a bunch of bugs. The End. (Grissom: If I where alive, you'd be aressted. / Buffy: Ha! You gotta catch her/ Nosedive: That would be funny to watch. / Grissom: How'd you get in the CSI lab/ Buffy and Nosedive: .../Grissom:By the way, I find any feathers in any evidence, I will hold the two of you responcible)

Warrick got hit by a car, and his blood and guts got splattered everywhere. So much for the evidance, eh? The End (Warrick: Weird way to die on a crime scene...hey, arn't there supose to be people blocking it off/ Nick: Oh, so they die instead? And we just have tape blocking it. It wouldn't do much / Warrick: No one asked you...and I think we need to upgrade our defences.)

Nick was shot in the head by way of sniper. The End. (Nick: At least it was quick. Wait. It was quick, right/ Warrick: It was slow and painful. / Nick: This is because of that dumb car thing, right/ Warrick: I still say other people where hit and I'm off the hook.)

Catherine leaped off her belcony - does she have a belcony? She does now - and went squash! The End. (Catherine: I have a daughter, you know. / Nosedive: Why do you people not get it inta your brains this isn't REAL/ Catherine: I'm hulucinationg... / Buffy: Hi!)

Greg picked up acidental poizaned food and ate it. He died. The End. (Greg: Thats just messed. / Sara: You died too, huh?)

Las Vagas has a one spot ice age and everyone dies from frozenization. (People: Brrr/ Nosedive: Hey, I would still live! My world is in an ice age! Hahahaha/ Buffy: It isn't real, remember/ Nosedive: I know...the end!)

CSI: Miami

Horatio got injected by lethel drugs and he went DEAD. The End. (Horatio: Oh no, she has come to Miami. / Calliegh: At least she is writing a fan fiction of us.)

Calliegh died from a heart attack. (Calleigh: I'm one of the dead! No more taxes! Wa-hoo/ Horatio: Only you... / Anya: Your happy? That your dead? Why/Calliegh: The End!)

Yelina gets eaten by a shark. (Yellina: Ow. / Nosedive: You- / Buffy: We know, dear. / Nosedive: The End!)

Alexx is cutting a guy up and he strangles her. The End. (Alexx: Oh please no. / Grissom: Its okay. / Nosedive: Hey, another crosserier. / Buffy: Actually, he's from the same universe. / Nosedive: Oh.)

Relic Hunter

Sydney got ran over by a plane. The End. (Sydney: So much for that relic. / Nigel: Hmm.)

Nigel fell off the face of the Earth. (Nigel: I fly through space/ Nosedive: The End. / Nigel: Sydeny/ Nosedive: Er...no, man...)

Claudia dies via the fax machine jumping on her head. The End. (Claudia: What? Noooooooo. / Nosedive: Hey, cutie. / Buffy: NOSEDIVE/ Nosedive: I mean... uh...Buffy...I... / Buffy: I love you. / Nosdive: Oh good...I mean ... I love you too.)

Kate dies via the computer choking her. The End. (Kate: WHAT/ Claudia: You too? Huh. Here I thought apliances just had it in for me...)

The univeristy got bombed via the airplane bomb. Uh...yeah...The End. (Sydney: My relics/ Nigel: Our students/ Claudia: My magazines/ Kate: DIE WRITER!)

Stargate SG1

(Buffy: Woa...SG1.../ Nosedive: Who? Uh, Buffy, why do you have that look in your eyes/ Buffy: Hi, Teal'C!)

Jack got eaten by an Onas. The End. (Jack: And death is such sweet - / Daniel : Uh, Jack? Its 'parting', not death. / Jack: I'm quoting me, not Michealangelo./ Daniel: You mean William Shakespear. Michealangelo was a painter. / Jack: Yes, indead he was.)

Daniel's bookcases fell on him. The End. (Daniel: As long as no artifacts or notes where distroyed. / Sara: Hello, Mr Jackson. Welcome to the world of Fan Fiction. Very warped reality it is. / Daniel: Do I know you/ Sara: No. )

Sam shoots herself in the heart by acicident. The End. (Sam: No one around? BOOM BOOM! Hahaha. I'm a dead person! Bwahahaha. Cough I'm good. / Nosedive: Oddness. / Buffy: I knew she had a underlineing wierdness about her. / Sam: Nice way of putting it. / Buffy: Thanks.)

Teal'C got smashed into the ground via an angry tree...that was related to the Whomping Willow. (Teal'C: What is a Whomping Willow/ Buffy: Very deadly. / Nosedive: The End!)

Janet is dead so she's off the hook. (Janet: Thank you muchly. / Anya: Why you.../ Sara: Is she going to kill everything and anything/ Nigel: Apears so. / Nosedive: The end!)

Sailor Moon

Usagi ate a bad cookie. It blew up in her stomic, killing her. The end. (Usagi: WHINE/Rini: Yeah! I claim the room/Usagi: Run. Now.)

Minako's head melted. She died. The end. (Minako: Ow. / Rini: Yeah/ Minako: Hey!)

Ami typed on her computer, and a computer viris came out and made her go haywire. The End. (Ami: Oh dear./ Sara: Hi/ Buffy: Now we have another crosserover. / Nosedive: Oh shut up. And we had crosserovers up in Stargate, too/ Buffy: I knew that...)

Rei's broom rebeled, sweeping Rei into the fire that somehow or other ignited in the street. The End. (Rei: Mars...Fireball.../ Buffy: You can't do that. / Rei: Huh/ Sara: Can Rei die by fire/ Rei: Ooo. I'm alive! I'm - burn ouch.)

Lita's (I don't know her name in Japanese, I'm so sorry!) cooking had a food meeting and went all food poizaned and killed Lita. The End. (Lita: It still tasted good, though, right/ Ami: Oh dear. / Sara: Food? Talking/ Nosedive: Never ask how Cadao gets her ideas. / Buffy: Yeah, it could be deadly.)

Luna gets flatened by a truck. The End. (Luna: At least it wasn't the Negaverse's doing./Dina: Runaway!)

Dina runs off the edge of the Earth. (Dina: Wha, huh/ Buffy: So much for running./ Nosedive: The End!)

Artimis falls into an acid lake and is ate to death. The End. (Artimis: do you know how much that would hurt/ Luna: A lot. / Buffy: Try getting killed by a nutso god and an enrgy thing that was opening up realities and then get sucked out of heaven after two months/ Artimis and Luna: ... / Nosedive: Buffy, babe, I think you need to let that go.../ Buffy: What/ Nosedive: Hey, I watched my whole planet get enslaved and - / Buffy: Your right, sorry...)

Doctor Who

The Doctor sat on Rose, flattening her. The end. (Rose: W-what? How did that happen/ Doctor: I do beleive we have found a fan fiction writer./ Rose: Excuse me/Doctor: I'd explain it, but it would take to long...just accept we're lovable to a bunch of people who really like us/ Rose: Right then...AHHH/ Nosedive shrieks in fright as Rose is chasing him around the Tardis, yelling bloody murder./ Doctor: Well, now, I didn't mean - who are you/ Buffy: I am who I am, and thats final. You/ Doctor: Same here./ Buffy: Think we should help them/ Doctor: Nah.)

Jack did a pass at the wrong person and they turned him into a bug and squashed him - SPLAT. The end. (Jack: Now I'm with Rose/ Rose: Do not touch me. / Buffy: Who're you? Kinda think about it, who're all of you! Ack! I'm no longer ahead of the game! I don't know these people/ Dive: Calm down, honey.../ The Doctor: Hurry up and kill me so I can kill Jack again!)

The Doctor...we have a problem...he regenerates...hmmmm. (Doctor: Actually I only regenerate because the writer says I do. You may kill me and not have me regenerate since this is your story..(imagine a smug smile)..and I give you permission for this since it is the Death Stories./ Rose: Oh, she needs your permission, does she/ Doctor: Actually, yes, if I chose to...nevermind. / Rose: Hm.) Alrighty, the Tardis got grumpy and suffercated him! One dead doctor! Erm...one dead Doctor? Ah, who cares, he's dead anyway. (Doctor: My Tardis? You turned her against me! Oh well, I'll just focus my angry energy on a certain person who's trying to feel up my woman.../ Jack: Uh...HELP/Nosedive:The End!)

Mix and Match

Buffy: We all dead.

Nosedive: Yup.

Anya: I can't beleive she killed me.

Grissom: Beleive it, it is true.

Anya: I didn't ask you, Four Eyes.

Xander: Anya, remember?

Anya: Oh...I'm sorry for calling you Four Eyes, older gentleman.

Xander: Well, thats alittle better.

Sara: Right.

Nosedive: Now what, dudes and dudettes?

Buffy (in Nosedive's ear) : We could go to my room.

Angel: What!

Sydney: Can we just get back to our own realities?

Cadao: I'm not done yet.

Nigel: What the...

Janet: Hello everyone!

Chrissy: Wow! Ducks!

Duke: Wow! Humans!

Chrissy: Hello! Where are you from?

Duke: Puckworld. Death City, to be exact.

Chrissy: That sounds like not a fun place

Anya: I'm hungry!

Janet: I'll be right back...Jack, help me.

Jack O'Neill : Coming.

Janet: Wrong Jack, but you can help to...JACK TRIPPER, STOP FLIRTING WITH SARA SIDLE AND HELP!

Jack Tripper: It was just a kiss, Janet...Janet?...

Ami: Oh dear.

Duke: C'mon Sweetheart, lets go talk... (pulls Chrissy away from crowd, to a dark corner that just happens to have a table and two chairs.)

Anya: Follow Jack and Janet and Jack!

Jack Tripper: Hello, doll.

Anya: Your hot. Want to have sex?

Jack Tripper: Well, I, uh...

Xander: He can't have my Anya! Not Jack Tripper!

Anya: Isjack edible?

Xander: What? No, Anya, not the cheese!

Anya: Sorry, Beedy-eyes. (goes to fridge)

Nick: GET OUTTA MY FRIDGE

Anya: Wrff? (imagine chipmunk)

(Grissom comes, moves Anya out of the way, and takes out an expeiriment.)

Nick: Wha - why? My fridge...Grissom! #$!#$#!

Anya: (swallows) Mouthy, isn't he?

Warrick: You should hear him in the lunchroom when Sara snags his lunch.

Nick: #$#$#$#$!

Grissom(to Nick): Might want to put an air freshiner in there.

Nick: $$#!

Xander: You swear more then Spike. I didn't think that was humanly possible.

Nick: $#! And a #$#$!

Anya: I think we should leave.

Nick: YES!

Catherine: No, the party's just getting started!

Nick:NO! #$#! NONONO!

Anya: Nick?

(Nick turns to her.)

Anya: $&$&(($&#&#&!

Nick: Woa.

Anya: I'm a thousand years old. Don't piss me off. $W$! Now shut up and let me eat your cheese.

Xander: Why me?

Sara: If you just let her go with Jack, we wouldn't have this problem.

Xander: No one asked you, Suicidal.

Sara: What did you just call me?

Xander: I kill demons as a hobby. You can't scare me.

Anya: Hey!

Buffy: (laughing histaricly)

Nosedive: I thought...actually, I saw, you running from demons. Isn't that your hobby?

Xander: Want me to hurt you duckboy?

Wildwing: Ahem?

Xander: Great. He has reinforcements.

Buffy: Hey, Grissom...?

Gil: Yes?

Buffy: How does one get to be a Crime Scean Investigator?

Gil: Well, for one, finish school...

(They go off to a table and chairs that just apears)

Warrick: Are we done yet?

Sydney: Does it look like it?

Nosedive: Pizza! (stuffs a large pizza pie in his beak)

Amy: Oh dear.

Claudia: Is that all your going to say?

Amy: Oh dear.

Rose: Amy, how about you come with me and we'll have a bit of a talk?

(Amy nodds, follows Rose to a corner with soft pillows and rugs.)

Doctor: Alright, everyone, unless you want to be with someone, then go with them to where ever, go HOME!

(most of the poeple dissapear)

Cadao: Hey! Doc-tor!

Doctor: Its my bloddy...you spelt thaty...CADAO. Spell right, damn it!

Nosedive: Loud 'n' mouthy dude.

Doctor: Why are you still in my Tardis?

Rose: Why do we have Nick's fridge in the Tardis?

Nick: I live here. (disgusted look)

Rose: You do?

Buffy: So do I. And he (jerks thumb to Nosedive) is my boyfriend.

Doctor: Something I was wishing was a phase.

(Nosedive glares)

Buffy: See, I'm the Doctor's student, and Nick's his boyfriend. The Doctor doesn't really like Nosedive, though.

Rose:...THE END


End file.
